We all have our stories on how social media ruined our relationship. Some have positive endings and some just end. Frankie and I have had our fair share of disagreements on social media and how much time should be spent on these platforms, but we have found a happy middle and I believe that you can too.
My personal story
I must share a personal experience with social media and marriage. Years before Facebook or computers for that matter I experienced some infidelity with my spouse and we had been working hard at trying to trust again and find a friendship with each other. We knew we loved each other, but we wanted to more than love one another but to really enjoy and like each others company. Anyway no one in my husbands family knew we were going through this. A family member of Frankie’s, did not understand why we had made the choice as a couple to not indulge in social media. Not only did she not understand it, she did not respect it. She made my him a Facebook page and told him she would monitor and find family members for him to friend. For a long time it was a wedge in our relationship because we all know this is how old flings find their “loverboys” or girls that got away. And you better believe he had old trolls trying to friend him and send him personal messages.
Although I had learned to trust again I was uncomfortable with this arrangement, so we decided that we would approach this differently, because in all honesty Facebook is a nice tool to have when connecting with people you have not seen in years and they have families or great careers that they want to share with you and others. So we decided to change the password on the account and only we as in him and I will monitor the page. So for about a few months we did that and eventually my insecurities faded and I did not care, which opened Frankie up to being more present on Facebook. He became very opinionated and vocal when it came to standing up for a cause. In all it had created the social media nightmare that he is today.
Facebook has to be his biggest time snatcher,
Whenever he has that phone in his hand it is because he is responding to his groups on Google hangouts or putting his two-cents in on twitter. Facebook has to be his biggest time snatcher, because he has to like so many things, comment on several things, and let’s not forget give status updates. I on the other hand only use my personal media outlets as a mean to inform family and close friends when I’m traveling or something amazing is happening in my life. I pop in on the networks probably once a week, unless I am working and using it for business purposes.
When I am trying to hold a conversation with you and you are responding but giving me no eye contact because you are on your phone, iPad, or computer that is a problem.
Sometimes I feel that it is only a big deal and a relationship blooper when it contributes to communication barriers. When I am trying to hold a conversation with you and you are responding but giving me no eye contact because you are on your phone, iPad, or computer that is a problem. When you are in bed and you are on your device of choice, that is a problem. When we are out to dinner and you are spending more time liking folks statuses or looking at the pictures they’ve posted that is a problem. When you walk into your home from not seeing your family all day, with phone in hand scrolling through your media sites, that is a problem.
How do we fix these relationship killers, that turn statues from married to divorce, from in a relationship to single, and from engaged to not.
If you are in a new relationship, set boundaries from the beginning. Express to your significant other how you feel about social media and what you will and will not tolerate.
Ask that when your spouse/friend enters the home the phone or any other device goes away until you have talked to each other and made light conversation about your day or what’s going on in the household.
Allow each other to indulge in something alone for an hour or so an evening. If your spouse wants to use that time to be on social media that is their choice.
Set rules. No phones during breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc… In my household during mealtimes all phones go in the basket to charge. All phones should be on vibrate. If one of the family members are not home, one phone stays at the table in case of an emergency.
When it is date night phones should be limited to phone calls to home or receiving calls from the kids or if you are taking care of a sick relative or something.
Use social media as a way to flirt with each other or show each other something that is relevant to a conversation you are having or a picture or news flash you want to share.
Do not use social media to keep in touch with old flings. Let that go! You are with the person you are with for a reason, and hopefully that reason is love or pure like.
If you have any other tips that have helped you in the past please comment below. Be sure to also check out our podcast on relationships and social media.