Being judged for who you love can be so exhausting. You are constantly trying to defend your relationship and prove to others why this is right FOR YOU.
Now more than ever, with all the hidden hate coming into light, we are forced to defend relationships that those may say are non-traditional.
The problems we were faced with then and even now were
- this person is not good enough for you
- this persons family is not in our class
- this person is not religious enough
- this person is not educated enough
- this person is of another race
- this person is not traditional to our culture.
Now you are faced with
- this person is of the same gender as yourself
- this person is transgender
- this person is to old or young
- this person is long distance
- this person has children
- this person can’t be safe or right for you, because you met them online
Legitimate arguments I would say are
- this person is a drug addict
- this person is abusive
- this person is apart of a hate group
- this person is a criminal
- this person is a cheater
- this person is to controlling
These list can go on and on, but what you have to determine is, is their argument legit or not!
Why can’t we love who we want and be left alone?
That is the question and the answer is, it is hard for others to understand things that are new, not how they were raised, or they are simply impressionable and follow the ideas of those around them.
No matter what the reason, people need to mind their own business, unless you are in a dangerous or emotionally challenging relationship. You are entitled to love who you want and enjoy your relationship as others do. We live in a country of diversity and tolerance. We have the freedom to love who we want, but is it worth the fight?
I say yes, but don’t make your relationship all about the fight.
What I mean by that is, if the fight for your relationship is more exhilarating than the relationship itself, then you have a problem? Actions speak louder than words and if your relationship is healthy and positive, then others will learn to accept who you love and support you, because they love you and know that you are happy. Defending your choices is something that makes us human and passionate. When you give up because of what others say, you appear weak and they will try to control your choices until you show them that you are capable of making good choices.
This is not to say if your relationship ends because of normal relationship problems, that others won’t say, “I knew that person was not good for you.” Because they will, but you will know that your relationship didn’t end because of how others felt about your choice. You know that you gave it your all, and you will never have to wonder if it did not last because of others opinions.
Now if you are a parent and you are the judgmental one, then you need to examine why you don’t like this person for your child. Are your concerns legitimate? Sometimes we speak with our own prejudices and we miss the important part, your child’s happiness. I am a parent and I know that I have been judgmental in my child’s choices. Most times as a protective mechanism. I could see things that my child was blind to, because they were in love. I saw the flaws that I knew would one day make my child hurt.
Everyday, in our own ways, we fight. We fight for equality, we fight for justice, and we fight for our freedoms. What’s one more thing to fight for, if it’s right.