Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

I thought I would talk about this topic because every time it comes around my opinion on the matter is completely different from what the rest of the world is thinking.

The word absence according to Google means the state of being away from a person or place. We experience that with our partners more times than we realize.  They are absent when we go to work, school, out with friends, and for time periods beyond our control. absence is not defined with a time period it is any amount of time.

Now I have two views on this.  I personally do not think absence makes the heart grow fonder but there are two ways you can look at this


You are the person in the relationship that is being left behind with no life outside of your significant other then yes you will be miserable without your partner longing for their return.


If you are the person that is leaving for let’s say a job opportunity or school then no I do not believe absence will make your heart grow fonder.  You will be so preoccupied with all you have going on you will not have time to long for your significant other.  Now when you have downtime and you are sitting in your bed all alone then yes your partner will come across your mind and for that moment you will wish for their presence until the next day when your busy life starts all over again.

I know some folks are hating me right now reading this, but this is my personal opinion. When your life is filled with other things you don’t have time to twirl your fingers and cry a river for your partner.

Now don’t confuse absence with death, because that is different on many levels.  I just mean your loved one leaving for a weekend, a week, a month, a year, or you have a long distance relationship.  You learn how to exist without that person.  You don’t forget them and you are certainly happy when they return but I don’t feel it makes you love them any more than you already did.

Personal experience, when my husband was deployed I missed him a lot at the beginning of his deployment.  I did wish he was home and when I thought about why I want him home I realized that it was that security of knowing you had someone else to conquer the world with.  I missed the intimacy and the companionship, but it pushed me into independence mode.  I woke up one day and realized I had to do things on my own that I usually depended on him to help me with.  Taking on that extra responsibility did not leave much time for me to be sad and lonely.  When we had the chance to talk it was great.  If we missed a call I survived.  I wouldn’t say my heart grew fonder but I would say he helped me to understand why I loved him the way that I did and why I would not choose to have a life without him.  

I think the distance and time apart give you clarity.  I always say when you are in love you are in a love fog.  You cannot help it, it is what love does to us all.

Does this mean I like when my husband has to leave? Absolutely not, but it does mean I will survive when he has to leave.  I always tell him I want to be the one who leaves so he can miss me.  What I am really saying is I want to be the one to leave so he can try and juggle kids, a job, and a household without me.

The love is there because it has always been there.  Our love grows stronger for one another every day and distance or absence has nothing to do with that.  I always miss him, but our experiences together make my heart grow fonder.


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