Thinking about dating after finalizing those divorce papers?
Or maybe you are thinking about the act of having to date if you get a divorce.
Either way, the thought may have crossed your mind and you are not sure what the etiquette is for dating after divorce.
I’m not an expert but I would suggest going with what you feel. Let me explain what I mean when I say that. I’m not talking about if you feel you need to be touched its time to start dating. I mean after you have spent time dating yourself and learning all the great things about yourself then evaluate how you feel about the idea of testing the waters and if you are confident with that feeling go for it.
There are always some obstacles that we think we may need to overcome to start dating, but there is a way to work everything in so your experiences can be fun. After a divorce, many of us have children to think about before we make any major decisions in our life because of how changes may affect them. In this situation, dating can be done without the children being involved. I will get to that later in the article.
Some other things to consider before dating
- Before taking on dating I would get to know myself again.
- Spend some time alone with myself and my thoughts
- Working to impress no one but myself
- Using this opportunity to start that business or make time for that hobby
- Feel that part of you that was always there but was being suppressed by your partner’s presence or the anger it caused you when they were not present.
Divorce can be a very emotional journey where you go back and forth with yourself on if you did the right thing. Once the decision is made and you have accepted that you will move on in life without that ex-husband or wife it allows you to think about when your relationship went bad and what obstacles caused your relationship to diminish so that history does not repeat itself.
Jumping into another relationship after a divorce is never good, it’s impulsive and you are teaching yourself that it is better to be with someone than to be alone, which is never a good thought.
The thought should be
It is better to be with someone who treats you the way you want to be treated with no intention of hurting you or destroying what they have with you than to be alone.
We all want to feel loved or even just liked, but to accept that attention from anyone could be dangerous.
A date is an appointment with someone who you are getting to know. A date can be just one or many but only if there is a connection.
The great thing about dating is you are not in a committed relationship. You are free to have appointments with as many people as you want until you find the one that is worth your time and energy. The problem is if you start this journey to soon after divorce you will end up with a person like the person you left.
Find your self-worth, your self-esteem, your interest, and learn about what you will and will not put up with in a relationship, and stick to that. Promise yourself you will not settle and then get out there.
Start slow, maybe dates that only take place at lunch or coffee at a cafe shop. No dinners or meeting up for evening drinks. There will be time for that. Take it slow and when you come across the one, you will know.
Now back to the children if you have any, dating can be very casual if you want it to be. Your children do not have to know you are dating unless you just want them to know. My personal opinion is they only need to know when things get serious. Trust me, no one wants to meet every person you think you have a connection with, it gets uncomfortable.
For safety reasons just make sure someone always knows you are going on a date and with who.
I have heard some dating horror stories in my day and I just can’t believe some of the encounters people have. These days you need background checks, medical records, and a baby mama/daddy report card before dating anyone, even if it is the first date soon to be last.
If you have some crazy dating stories please share. If you have a dating love story please share. Love comes in different ways and different packages share your story.