Is there such a thing as outgrowing your relationship? I mean you outgrow shoes and clothes, partying and drinking all night, clubs and bar hopping, but can you also outgrow your relationship?
I believe you can. You think about the relationships that you start when you are at a time in your life when dating is new, or when you don’t quite know what you want out of life. Those relationships that you form during those times can drastically change when you broaden your horizon and meet new people who share an interest or when you discover who you really are and the things you want out of life.
I am not saying relationships that have been strong for ten years cannot hit a roadblock.
There may come a time when you realize that this person is not what you want out of life. It happens but the longevity of the relationship is not the real factor.
The factor is you.
I think back to some of the guys I dated in my younger years and I am so excited that they are not who I ended up with because the person I am now would not have been attracted to that person mind, body, or soul. I was young then and I didn’t know what I wanted in life or who I was. I knew that I enjoyed that person company at the time, but would they had made great fathers, providers, or life long partners? I don’t know, maybe they have grown and changed into great people, but if they didn’t let’s just say I truly dodged some bullets.
I do know people who have only dated one or two people in life and have decided that they have found there one true love and have placed this person in their heart for eternity. They have made this commitment based on that overwhelming feeling of being with someone to avoid being alone or maybe they just keep waiting for the other person to get on board. They then realize that this person is not what they really want in life. They have had time to find out who they really are, but they have made such a big fuss about how great their relationship is that they would be too embarrassed to end it on a feeling of growth. The thought of starting over is too much to bare and who wants to put their energy into trying to rebuild something with someone new, so they have decided to settle with what they got.
Why? It is not necessary to stay in a relationship that you have outgrown. You can move on and be happy.
My husband and I have grown together and we have not changed much over the years. We continue to want the same things out of life and we love supporting each other and wanting more for each other. If he could not fulfill that part of who I am I would be miserable. If I could not be that person for him I would not want him to stay in a relationship that he felt was not evolving with him.
In life, we go through many experiences good and bad. Some times or most times those experiences shape us for the next chapters in our lives. When we are young we are passionate about life and how we approach things are sometimes with little or no thought but based on a feeling. As we get older we start to consider other things and react less to that passionate feeling and more to reason. When your partner or you yourself do not move at the same pace and when that change in life happens you continue to love each other but you outgrow each other and that is ok.
Think about it this way, a couple who met each other in college and fell madly in love. They traveled the world sometimes living out of their cars or staying in hostels. It was adventurous it was what drove the relationship and created that spark. As they got older one of them wants to settle down and have a family, not give up the traveling but start a career, buy a home, and lay down their roots in a beautiful home on a cul-de-sac street. The other person wants to continue to live as they always have, traveling the world, meeting new people, learning about different cultures. The older they get the more it becomes a topic. One person gives a little and the other person continues to want more out of the relationship and out of life. They realize they love each other but they want different things and that’s ok. They have outgrown the relationship. It is only fair that they are set free.
Life is short and postponing your dreams and desires because your partner is not ready is not fair to you or them. If it is meant to be, it will be, if it is not there is someone out there that can make you just as happy and fulfilled as the relationship you are leaving once did.