Why are we not married?

So you have been dating your significant other for a year plus some and from your view you all are in love and everything feels right.

• You both know what you want in life
• you have met each others families
• You have decided you can live with each others baggage
• you are at that age where marriage is obviously the next step
• if for no other reason than, you are tired of the dating scene and it’s just time to settle down, so be it.

Traditionally the man pops the question, so this post could go both ways.

• Why haven’t you popped the question and
• What is he waiting on to pop the question

This is such a tricky topic, I mean some couples can fall in love and say “let’s get married tomorrow” and they have only been in a relationship for three months.  Then there are those relationships that go on for years and the woman never hints that she would like to be married and the man never ask or implies it.

Now if you are that couple who “pretends” to be married. You know the ones

• You are my queen
• You are my wife
• Hey hubby
• You are my partner for life
• This is my King …
• Live together
• Have children together

Then what the hell is the hold up?  When I see this I think only two things

1. You are holding out for something better or

2. You feel you can do better

Why would you wait any longer to commit yourself to one another, because I mean, you are already implying it.

Now for those where it just hasn’t happened let me clear some things up for you, that may encourage you to propose tomorrow or help move things along.

I am a firm believer in, have your stuff together before committing to taking on someone else’s baggage. What I mean by this is, be somehow established and stable in life. Some may hate me for this, but I don’t believe in marrying young. Live a little, finish school, start a career, and use your experiences to help you decide if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Now if you are in a relationship at this  young time in your life and your partner is growing with you and the love is still there, than kudos to you.  Getting married at the young tender age of 18 or 21 is just not smart, in my opinion. How could you possible know what you want in life and you have nothing to compare it. We grow and we change, most times the person we are dating grows and changes into a person who we may decide is not mature enough for us or the opposite, they are stuck in their ways and they can not see changing or compromising for the love of another.

Now fast forward we are older, wiser, ready for long-term life changing events. Stop looking for something better and concentrate on the person you fell in love with.  Does this person make you happy, do they support your dreams and celebrate your accomplishments, are they selfless and fair, do they complete you and you them? If yes, than you better open yourself to marrying them before they decide that you are not what they want.

Relationships have disagreements, breakdowns, arguments that end in screaming matches, but if you forgive, mend it, and fix the problems and still consider yourself in love with this person than there is hope. No one will be perfect, it is the flaw that you can live with that makes the person you marry exceptional.

Popping the question could start out as a discussion. Women ask your man,  is marriage something they can see for their future? Let him know that you are ready and open to the idea of being someones wife.  When you talk about the future include them, make him feel as if he has already asked the question.

Go to weddings, anniversary parties, or things that are couples centered. Hang out with a married couple.  Lead them in a discussion that shows marriage in a bright light, accentuate the positives to committing to someone for life.

If your family loves who you are with they can be awesome at encouraging something more.  They tend to say things like; why aren’t you all married, what are you waiting on to get married, you’re not getting any younger to start a family, or the best one, I love you all together it would break my heart if you didn’t make it.

Now if you are in a relationship where you feel marriage would only complicate things, than why are you living your life committed to someone.  If they feel the same way and they share your views on marriage, than great.  If they don’t feel the same way then you are being selfish and not allowing them to find someone they can depend on for lifelong companionship. If you love and enjoy someone through it all, and you decide you want this relationship to be long-term, even after one or two years of dating, then why not get married?

Now there are some reasons I would not marry someone I love, but it is not necessary to mention those things, because I would have answered the first part of this post with, I am waiting for something better, which answers the question of, why we are not married.