Is It Love? Or Comfort?
When you have been with someone for so long, sometimes you wonder is the love still there or is it just you’re comfortable being in a stable relationship.
I believe I am in LOVE because the feelings I had in the beginning of the relationship are still some of the feelings I have currently.
- I blush when being flirted with
- I love being told “I love you”
- I love being touched
- I sometimes get butterflies when I know we have something special planned
- I still desire spending quality alone time with my love
- and I still can get jealous of other women showing an interest in my man
Now the COMFORT comes with overlooking the stuff that just makes someone mad. Things that would make the average person walk away.
- Not considering my feelings for most things, that I think are important
- Not involving me in major decisions
- Our conversation some times seem routine and not meaningful
- Not inviting me out to things that are important or life changing
- There is no flirtation or interest
- There is no intimacy
When these type of interactions are happening in your relationship, but you want to believe that something is still there, because the thought of moving on is dreadful, you are in a relationship of comfort. You dismiss the feeling of wanting to be loved and respected and replace it with your partners strengths.
They’re a good parent, they’re a good provider, they will engage in a conversation with you, when initiated by you, and they will give you attention when others are looking (social events). Those things are good but that does not make a strong relationship. When you stay for comfort, you lose yourself and you start to require less from your partner, which can end in your partner finding something or someone else to occupy their time.
Don’t allow these actions to go on. Address them with your partner and if they are apologetic and want to build on creating a more loving relationship, then that’s great. You can work with that. If they are confrontational and blaming you for everything, pretty much not accepting any of the blame, then maybe it’s time to make a decision.
I do understand that when being with someone for so long seems easier compared to being alone, you have to understand that you are already alone.
If you have children, or you are a stay at home parent who depends on your spouses income for survival, I understand walking away may not be as easy, but taking this time to establish yourself and your position may make it easier.
In life we have choices, and many times we don’t choose ourselves. Choose yourself and watch what happens in your life.
