Getting over cheating

When a spouse cheats it is one of the most devastating acts of betrayal to get over. You being the victim always have the option to stay or go. Your first instinct may be to go, but once the anger has settled you try to understand the action and find a way to love again.

There are three types of cheating,

1. Sexual cheating your spouse is having sex with another person or multiple people without your consent.

2. Emotional cheating Your spouse has developed a very intimate relationship with another person who he/she shares all the things he/she should share with you and spending all their free time with another (which usually leads to sex).

3. All of thee above Your spouse is not only being emotionally attached to someone else they are making it official with sex. The last two types of cheating are the harder ones to forgive. In the back of your head you will always wonder if their attachment to each other was strong enough to bring them back into each others lives. It takes time to grow a relationship like that, is it easy to just drop a relationship like that to save their marriage. Will it be easy for you to accept that it was easy for them to let go of another?

Now there are two types of cheaters

1. One who cheats and never shares with the person they are cheating with that they are married.
2. They let everyone know they are married, so drama stays minimal or so they hope.
I asked the question is it possible to love two people? It was answered with a no. I try to understand why get caught up in the moment of allowing yourself to fall for another even though you know it won’t lead to love, because “you love another”. I am told that sometimes that love is not strong enough to keep your spouse faithful. As human beings we always feel there is something better, some of us take that chance and others put that energy into the relationship they are already committed to. It is possible to fall back into love, if that is something you want. It is unfair to punish your spouse with cheating because you have hit a rough spot in your relationship. Give your spouse time before you commit an unthinkable but in some cases forgivable act of cheating. Better yet move on, free your spouse and then sow your oats. You are being selfish because in case things don’t work out with the woman or man you’re cheating with, you still have your spouse. SHAMEFUL!

7 ways to get over cheating.

1. Communicate with your spouse and be open about your feelings. Tell your spouse when you are feeling vulnerable or having an issue with trust. Do not be afraid to tell your spouse what you are feeling. They cannot read your mind. They may not understand that something they have always done triggers something in you that causes pain or anger.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Sometimes closure only comes with truth on why cheating was an option in the first place. Don’t compare yourself to the person they cheated with, it is a dangerous spiral.

3. Be apart of each others lives. Ask about their day, be spontaneous, encourage them in areas where they may need uplifting, involve them in some of your decisions, ask their opinion, and have conversations that are meaningful.

4. Do things that are not routine. If every Tuesday you have tacos, switch it up and find a taco restaurant that you can go to.

5. Share the family load. Every conversation and spare minute of the day does not have to be spent talking about what the kids need, what bill needs to be paid, and when to call the plumber. Split the family responsibilities with each other. Choose a day to go over finances and what needs to be done (unless it needs attention immediately).

6. Engage in group activities with other couples.  Let me clear that up, hang out with other married or long term couples. Being with a couple who are positive and love each other sometimes creates a spark in your relationship. It helps you remember that love and closeness you once shared.

7. Say I love you! Hug each other, kiss for no reason, flirt, have quickies, or do whatever pushes you to be intimate. Every touch or caress needs to be meaningful and intentional.

True Story
My husband was so use to giving me these meaningless pecks in the morning before leaving (you know, because it becomes routine) I had to stop him one morning and say I want a real kiss, a long kiss, a meaningful kiss.  Since that day our morning kisses are filled with love and appreciation of each other.

If you want to forgive, forgive! If you can’t, move on, it’s ok!