I Love You, but…

All to often relationships end with this saying “I love you, but…”. But what, I’m not in love with you, I don’t want to marry you, I want to explore other opportunities, I’m moving out of state to pursue my dreams, I don’t want children, I’ve met someone else, or we don’t want the same things so I need to move on.

Can you really love someone and want to leave the relationship?

Absolutely!

Familiarity, security, and comfort creates a space of love and a feeling of expectance. Those are things we all want to feel in a relationship, but at what cost?

Ask yourself the question what is your ultimate goal in a relationship? Maybe get married, have children, travel, build wealth, grow a business, or just companionship. Whatever the ultimate goal is, why would you settle for less?

It doesn’t matter how much time you have invested in a relationship if you are not getting what you want it is a waste of time and life if the goal will never be reached. Would you go to school for years and years to only get the knowledge but no degree?

There are times when we think all we want is love at what ever cost, until time has passed and we are not getting what we ultimately wanted in the first place. We fall so hard in the beginning and if your partner is doing all the right things you become complacent until you start to realize you wanted more. It is no ones fault that you are here, but you are responsible for what happens next.

You cannot complain if you choose to accept the relationship as it is and maybe the ultimate goal is not much of a goal anymore, because maybe now you love the person more than the goal.

Now, what if you say, hey I have all those things with my relationship, married for five years, two children, a beautiful home and money in the bank, husband treats me like I’m the only one its the perfect outcome, although it wasn’t my ultimate goal for my relationship. Well, I say are you happy, are you content, is it enough now that you are apart of this relationship, is the ultimate goal not really a goal anymore? That is possible and I applaud you for being able to grow and appreciate what you have been blessed with.

For those who have that but that ultimate goal lingers, it will keep you from giving your all to the relationship. Thinking of the same scenario what if your ultimate goal was to go to school and pursue a demanding career. Is what you have enough? Understand no one is at fault I must stress that. Will the children suffer, will you ever find love again, will your next relationship be worse? Those are all things that you ask yourself when contemplating moving on.

All I can say is if you are not whole you will never truly be happy.

As I get older I see just how short life is. I watch my children grow and find love in all forms and I can’t be disappointed in them finding “true love”, but I can be disappointed in them not living to their full potential because of their love for another. I can look at myself and say the same thing. I can pose the same questions to myself, would I ever consider ending a 30 year relationship, have I given my all to this relationship, am I truly happy?

Life thoughts, geez can really put you in a crazy headspace.

I believe in love and I believe that love, to its fullest can be achieved if we are honest with who we are and our feelings.

Love can be worth giving up all the goals we thought we wanted, but sometimes that tugging feeling in your heart is a reminder of what we did give up and we must decide to suppress it or pursue it.