Letting Go and Welcoming New Love

Why do we punish ourselves with past relationship baggage? Why do we block ourselves from the good fortune of a new healthy relationship? It is simple we choose not to let go of what we lost or gave up.

Not every relationship is meant to be. We try to convince ourselves that this is the one because we have devoted so much of our time to it and in some cases we don’t have much time to check off all the boxes of what society tells us is the “ideal relationship”.

I attended a conference last year and met this woman who was in her 50’s and she was telling me that at the age of 42 she decided she wanted to do something different in life, career wise. At 42 without too much thought she quit her job and went back to school to pursue a new career. It took her 3 years, but once she graduated she quickly moved up the ranks because for once she was living her true purpose.

I say this to say that we get complacent with how things are and we feel we deserve all the happiness because we have put in the time, but time means nothing if you are on the wrong path.

In order to move on we must let go of what is holding us back or blocking us from our “blessing”, true satisfying love.

A pastor once told a story of needing new luggage because the luggage he had was old and beat up from all the traveling. He had this luggage for years, actually his first set. He remembered that when he bought this luggage he had received his first real adult check and wanted to spend it on something he knew he would need. He loved this luggage because it was the first thing he had bought for himself as an adult. Well, the luggage became useless. The zipper was broken, the bag wheels were either broken or cracked, and the strap had snapped. His last travel for work created a hole in the bottom of one of the suitcases due to the friction from having no wheel. He was distraught. Here a man who had became financially able to afford a level of luxury was holding on to this luggage that no longer served him any purpose. The memories and what he felt when he first purchased these items is what kept him holding on to what was now nothing. He finally decided to throw it away, but even after throwing it away it took him months to replace it.

Finally his wife had a talk with him. She told him “I know that luggage was apart of your story, apart of your journey and no one is saying you have to forget that, but you have to rid yourself of this guilt so that you can open your eyes to something new that serves you in a better way.” He laughed because he could not believe his attachment. To him he felt he was being forced to forget about a time when he struggled, to forget about the luggage that got him from one appointment to another and as a result helped him move up the ladder.

This scenario although about an object is the same self sabotage we go through because we can’t let go of what we once had. We don’t allow ourselves to move on.

You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be in a relationship that completes you. You can have that happy ending but you must allow yourself to be open to receive it. As long as you hold onto the past you can not whole heartedly live in the now. You must put yourself in a position to receive your new relationship.

You are probably looking right over that person who is meant to be your forever person because your head is down dwelling on the one, who use to be the one.

Allow yourself to be happy!

I use to wonder can you love two people intimately at the same time. I continue to struggle with that, but I don’t think you can. To love someone with all of you takes all of you, but that story is for another blog post.

Saying that to say, although it is hard to go through a breakup you need to make the decision when it is ok for you to continue your life. So much time passes and before you know it another year has gone by and you are still alone. You have mourned the relationship long enough. There is someone for you because as my mom would say “There is someone for everyone.”