Marriage, is it necessary?
What is marriage? A legal union of two people in a monogamous relationship.
Keyword “legal”
What does it mean for couples who are religious? When a man and a woman unite to become one flesh. A covenant is formed.
Keyword “covenant”
What does marriage mean to you and your partner? Is it a step that is necessary.
You have the “perfect” relationship. You are committed to each other, and the monogamy of your relationship. You have unwritten rules about your union and you both respect that about each other. You are happy with proving your loyalty to each other every day without legal union representation for the world to see or acknowledge, but is that really enough.
I remember when my husband and I were just dating and I wanted marriage because I felt that it was an action that proved his commitment and love to me. I wanted it for me, not because of what everyone else thought, but because of what I knew I wanted. We did not have a big wedding and some of our family did not even know that we had married until we showed them our marriage license. It was a personal step in our relationship.
If it is a step that you or your partner want to take, then do it. It is a celebration of your love big or small secretly or on blast. It completes the picture for most.
I know couples who have been together for years and they acknowledge each other as husband and wife but they have not completed the union with marriage. They are established in their careers, they have children together, purchased property together, they are even each other’s beneficiary on insurance policies so why not complete the union with marriage?
I hear the excuses
We cannot afford to have a wedding. Who is the marriage for, you or others? If it is for you and your partner then do what you can afford like a visit to city hall, elope, or something small and intimate. The larger your wedding does not mean you love your partner anymore or less than someone who opts out of the big production.
It is not the right time. If you love someone, you know you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, you already have a life together with a house and kids, you have spent enough time with one another to know that this person is it for you, and you have shown your loyalty and commitment to one another then what signifies the right time. The time is now and if you need convincing of that then maybe you are not committed to the relationship as much as you thought.
It’s too soon. Now I can get behind this reason if you have only been dating less than a year. I mean sometimes people know after six months, but make sure you are really getting to know each other. Spend quality time with one another, meet each others family and friends, share your past, share your dreams and future plans and be sure that your partner can get behind that or want some of the same things, pay attention to the flaws can you live with their shortcomings, how do they treat others, what ended a previous relationship, are they looking for stability and ready to settle down? Create your list and know that this is what you want in a partner.
What if someone better comes along. The answer to this is, you are not ready for marriage. If for you this person is not “everything” maybe you are still on your journey to finding the one for you.
And finally, you don’t need a piece of paper to show how much you love someone. If both of you feel this way then your stand on if marriage is necessary is acceptable, but if one of you want it there should be nothing including the notion that marriage is not necessary that should keep you from marrying. If this person is the one and you know it, then what harm could legally binding it do?
Sometimes people are afraid of their marriage ending in divorce, but should you really be thinking about divorce and marriage in the same sentence. Marriage is meant to be forever, but if it doesn’t work out that does not mean you have failed. It just means that there was a time in your life when this person was everything you wanted in a relationship and in a partner and now they are not. Time changes people and circumstances, things are not meant to stay the same.
For me, marriage completes the picture. It is the security of knowing you have a companion until death do us part. We were two who have become one. Mr and Mrs.
Does it mean marriage is forever? No, but it is forever right now. From the moment you know this person is the one, to the proposal, and finally when those words “I do” are spoken, in those moments it is forever, and with love, attention, honesty, and communication it can become forever.
Sometimes we are lucky enough to change together and sometimes change creates a divide. Whatever the case may be live your life as if there is no tomorrow so if this is the one then marry them already, because if you love someone enough how does marriage change that but make it better.
