My Spouse Wants a Divorce

The most devastating thing is happening in my life and I don’t know what to do. My spouse has asked for a divorce and I did not see it coming, but I did.

Throughout our marriage, we have had ups and downs but we have always found our way back to what makes us work. For so many years we have been routinely going through the motions of life but we find time to check in with each other and try to create memories with one another. Lately, we have been fighting to do just that, make time for one another.

Well, I have put in the effort but the feeling was not mutual. My spouse was not interested in finding our way back this time instead it was silence. No talking through things, no arguments, compliance was how anything was solved.

I felt something shifting between us. This shift was not due to an affair, not due to us not being attracted to one another, or not due to the ability to trust one another. It was as though we were starting to move in different directions and we were happy with that. Our priorities changed for one another. Our sex life became awkward and nonexistent and our “I love yous” became more like “I like you but…” It was the early signs that I ignored because we always found our way back.

So what do I do now? Do I accept that my marriage has failed or do I fight for the comfort of having a spouse?

Life does not have to end because a marriage ended. People grow and sometimes that means they grow apart. It is a sad reality and almost devastating depending on the number of years you have invested, but there is hope for new life. If children are involved it becomes even more complicated but the sooner you can accept the reality that your marriage is over they will adjust.

Is it worth fighting for? That depends have you been here before, has anything changed since the last time you contemplated divorce, are you happy, are you happy or content?

It’s never easy starting over and if your spouse finds love before you the idea is heartbreaking, but it should not be a reason to stay with someone. Time heals and the truth is with time you find peace within yourself and your decisions. You did not ask for the divorce, but deep down inside you knew it was not a marriage that was fulfilling.

This post is not for those who run for the hills at the first sign of trouble this is for the ones who have invested years and time in their relationship but nothing has changed. Trying to stay in love has become a chore and you are exhausted. You have had talk after talk of trying to better the relationship but it only last a short moment before your partner falls back into their old ways unregretful. Marriage has become more of a business of caring for the children and staying financially stable. You are comfortable but you are not happy. You have a reputation to uphold. What people think of you and your marriage is more important than your true happiness. You are afraid of the unknown, what will life be like without your partner?

You play with these scenarios but the truth is, life is short. You must live it before it’s over. Time moves whether you are ready or not. We lose ourselves in so many things why waste another minute in a situation that does not fulfill you. A relationship that you deserve.

Now if you were truly happy and you did not see this coming then you were probably the problem unless your spouse is leaving you for someone else. That’s a shallow way to move on and those relationships never last.

Fight for your marriage if there is a slight chance that things can get better. Accept the divorce if you know deep down inside that it is over and you would only be begging to remain in the comfort of a relationship.

What will people think? Who cares what people think, you have to live this life. My family will never understand? Trust me they understand because they are the ones who usually see the signs before you do. I will be lonely. Use this time to discover who you are. Love yourself and prepare yourself for the next chapter of your life.