Marriage Advice from Single Friends/Family

No relationship is perfect.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Will every day be roses and candy? I would like to go on record and say no. We are all human and being human means we make mistakes, we make bad judgments, and sometimes we hide things that later come out to bite us in the rear. Does it make us bad people? No, it just makes us human.

Sometimes when we become hypnotized by social media images we start expecting this greatness in our lives all the time and that leads to disappointments and disappointments turn into resentment and resentment into acts we are not so proud of, which leads me into the topic of marriage and receiving advice from those around us who either does not know what it is to be in a long term relationship or our single friends who may understand commitment but may not understand the marital bond you commit to when you walk down the aisle.

Most times when we rant to our friends or our family members about our marriage we just need someone to listen. We become frustrated with a situation or just need to hear everything out loud to make sense of what is going on. Now some people are privileged to not only receive this information about your private relationship but they are also able to comment.

I don’t have a problem with this at all, what I do tend to have a problem with is single people giving advice to married people. I’m not saying a single person couldn’t possibly know anything about marriage I’m just saying that their advice could be unintentionally one-sided.

There are unwritten boundaries that you and your partner set that shows respect for your bond. Sometimes these boundaries get challenged by people who don’t have set boundaries with anyone for any reason. Being single allows you certain passes because realistically there is nothing holding you to the relationship. You may like to think that long term relationships are similar to marriages but I have known people who have been in ten-year relationships and have walked away because they knew nothing was over them to make them continue to try and save the relationship.

When you are married to someone it is a rule that you have to try. When times get hard you are more open to the idea of doing what it takes to save your marriage. You have set goals in your marriage and you know what it will take to get there. You have an understanding with one another that does not need to be reminded, you just know what behavior is expected of you and what your partner deserves from you and your bond.

I think about a married couple who promised each other when they are out with their single friends they would not do as the singles do. The guy would go out with one of his friends who always needed him to entertain the girl who his date brought with her. The married guy didn’t see any harm in this until he had a conversation with his wife. That was the end of that. His single friend would say “your wife is crazy there is no harm in you talking to another woman and keeping her busy while I try to find my future wife.” The married man knew the harm in what he was doing because his wife explained some things to him that a single person wouldn’t see or care about.

There are many scenarios but what it comes down to is, if a person has never been in a situation how can they give you advice on it.

If you have always been the boss and in charge of things how will you ever know what it feels like to be an employee?

If you have always been a principal how do you know what it is like to be in a classroom or a teacher?

If you are 21 how do you know what it is like to be 40?

It just makes sense. It doesn’t take anything away from a single person it just means that marriage advice should be taken from someone you trust and respect along with someone who understands what it means to be married. Your decisions cannot always be quick and about only your feelings, you have to consider your partner and what your choices may do to this lifelong bond you have committed yourself to.